A few nights ago, I stumbled across a Reddit post discussing projected sales of Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare. Unsurprisingly, the usual arguments ensued in the comment section.
Why is Harry writing a book anyway?
Good on you, Harry, for leaving your toxic family!
Who’s actually going to read this filth?
Screw the British media!
Didn’t those two leave the Royal Family in search of privacy?
And on and on, the comments flowed.
Then I found a comment that managed to surprise me.
I didn’t know Prince Harry wrote a book?!
Excuse me, fellow Redditor, which rock are you living under, and is there space for me? I promise I’ll be quiet and clean up after myself!
Now don’t get me wrong. You will find no hate towards the Duke and Duchess of Sussex here. But I miss the days when there weren’t endless debates about them online every other day. Their departure from the Royal Family and subsequent move to California has been widely dissected in the news and social media. They’ve been, seemingly in equal measure, vilified for betraying the British monarchy and championed for speaking out against the despicable racism levelled at Meghan Markle.
But the couple has started talking about their journey in the past few months. There’s been a podcast and a six-part Netflix documentary, and Spare is finally out. They have told their story. What happens now?
About the Book
Let’s get this out of the way. Anyone hoping for bombshell revelations about the Royal Family will be sorely disappointed.
Instead, Harry details three distinct periods in his life. First, he speaks about his childhood and grieving the death of his mother, Princess Diana. Then, he describes his time in the army. Finally, he talks about the love he shares with his wife.
The Prince has two main grouses he discusses at length throughout the memoir. First, there’s the lifelong imposition of the British media, often aided and abetted by palace insiders. Additionally, perhaps more significantly, the royal family’s unwillingness to protect Prince Harry and his family from the media onslaught.
And that’s pretty much it.
As such, the oft-parroted contention that Prince Harry has betrayed his family by speaking his truth is nonsense. However, there are still many unanswered questions. For instance, is William cheating on Kate? What does the royal family think about Andrew? Who asked about Archie’s skin colour? What is Camilla’s son getting up to in the London Streets? Talk to us!
Even without these answers, a few things are still on my mind after reading Spare.
The Heir and the Spare
Early in the memoir, Prince Harry confronts the idea of the “heir and the spare”. As the future King of England, Prince William is the heir, and Prince Harry, the second-born son, the spare. I don’t know why it never occurred to me that the boys would have been raised and treated differently based on this birth order. After all, this happens every day in ordinary families all around the world. But to read Harry describe himself as spare parts, born in the event something happened to the heir, was painful. I cannot imagine what it would be like to know very early in life that you were born “just in case”.
The Consequences of Cultural Differences
It seems that cultural differences were a barrier to a cordial relationship between Meghan and the royal family, particularly William and Kate. Prince Harry speaks about a couple of these missteps, like when Meghan hugged William, and he recoiled or when Kate seemed affronted when Meghan asked for some of her lip gloss. That familiarity may be appropriate among in-laws in “normal families”, but it’s apparently an issue among royalty.
But the incident that blew my mind was the “you don’t know me well enough to talk about my hormones” tension between Kate and Meghan. I am going to be thinking about that one for a long time. I think Meghan was utterly unprepared to integrate into the royal family, further complicated by her Americanness, race, and acting career. Furthermore, I think the royal family was unwilling to relax the British stiff upper lip to accommodate Meghan. And so molehills became mountains.
Naïve in Love
Before Spare, I had never read of two people so in love they forgot to think. How is it that Meghan didn’t see what she was getting herself into when she met her boyfriend’s Grandma, and he’s seriously asking her if she knows how to curtsy? That was the red flag and the bull right behind it. And I found it even more jarring that she thought Prince Andrew was the Queen’s assistant during that first meeting. What?! Ma’am…don’t you understand what’s going on here? Not even a Google Search to acquaint yourself with the monarchy?! Not even an evening spent watching the first season of The Crown with Wikipedia open like the rest of us?! What is really going on here?!
And you, Harry! By your own account, Meghan was not your first partner. Do you think you prepared her for what she would face? You saw what happened with your previous girlfriends. You saw what happened to your mother, and she was born into British nobility! Look at how she was excoriated in the media! Come on, man. There is too much information available for such blunders to have been made. The naïvete was astounding. A mess!
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, I am glad Harry and Meghan escaped the monarchy and built new lives away from the toxicity. But now, it’s time to look ahead. We’ve heard enough from both sides of this fractured family, and time will (hopefully) heal these wounds. The Duke and Duchess have a tremendous platform, and I hope they continue doing the excellent work they’ve been doing in the world.
Let’s all move on.
